Beginning After End

The blood shot red eyes reflected in the holy water which nail bitten fingers slowly seeped into before she entered the stone chapel for the first time in 23 years.

As her footsteps cross the border she glances up, seeking hope, and with her sodden fingers she blesses herself.

A sigh released as she kneels down in the first row – she could no longer attempt to hide, for there was nobody to hide from.

Muscles slowly relax, she is comfortable in this emptiness. Thoughts fuddled in the warm sensitive care of beings present in this common arena of trepidation – but it was these gentle hearts that kept her troubles entrapped.

She could recognise gentle lies, stare for long and all the truth can been seen in them loving eyes.

It was if her guardians were so warm they were burning her and they covered everything but she knew, every hour, the scars eternity were a little more inevitable.

But here there was a sense…of wonderful loneliness.

Silence – she was relieved by the coolness of the chapel.

Silence- only the sound her beating heart , or she questioned was it rumbling thoughts in a troubled soul.

Removing her damp jacket while still her mind was locked in thoughts of doubt, regret and darkness.

she looked down at the floor, as if blinded by the tranquillity of the sunshine light of winter through the churches stained windows.

A silent wish she made for the suns light to be bring warmth to this cold that was felt, as her mind was already contemplating her fears of a forever isolation in an erased future.

Yesterday, what happened yesterday? where had he been, yesterday?

Yesterday was forgotten unlike the torturous memoir that being built today.

In any event of any future, today would be remembered forever.

There was no splash as a single tear slid so tentatively down her cheek before falling upon the floor and disappearing immediately, forever, forgotten for eternity.

Read my silent mind she announce in internal deep thought,
Or ….
‘ Is it too late? Too long a wait for my call’.

Her eyes glanced up again as her mind questioned her mental stability.

Sleep Sleep rest you need, it is rest you need – was what everyone, but he had said.

And then as if speaking to her self she thought she heard an echoing murmur of words from….no….. from everywhere.

”Lonely till sun dies down; it is a miracle always a miracle that is called”.

She buried her head in her hands asking her mind for a second of peace for him her, and sanity.

She needed …he needed aid.

She heard slow foot steps
So slow
She feared it was a friend
Her pulses racing
A thunder in her thoughts,
Someone, but who?
Steps seems sound as if coming from all round.

She cursed herself as the mind crowded with doubtfulness ….

Till she looked up…


In the waiting room there was silence

Silence was all there was.


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